The Attraction of Wisdom and Grace
According to Webster’s Online Dictionary, the definition of femininity is: “the quality or nature of the female sex: the quality, state, or degree of being feminine or womanly.” This is obviously vague and is totally based upon biology. When one wants to know what femininity is, he or she must look at a mother, grandmother, sister or female friend so they can see “the quality, state or degree of being feminine or womanly.” This definition crosses all cultural and chronological lines. A woman is considered feminine, simply put. A huge old book, Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, deluxe 2nd Edition, goes into more detail in the definition of feminine. It says in its second definition: “having qualities regarded as characteristic of women and girls, as gentleness, weakness, delicacy, modesty, etc.: womanly. At least this definition gives some tangible qualities, but it is still vague and makes women seem too soft to accomplish much.
Femininity is a not a state of mind for a woman. She doesn’t go around thinking, “I am a woman, so I have to do things in the most feminine way possible.” No, she just lives her life as a female human being. It simply affects every aspect of her thought processes and her actions. It affects what she sees in the mirror and what she expects out of herself and out of others. To be feminine means that a woman is capable of bringing forth life: whether physical babies, art, music, productivity, spiritual children, innovations, discoveries, culinary delights or nursing people back to health. Everything a woman touches can and should promote life in herself and others. Encouragement, words of wisdom and concern, instruction and discipline are all part of the efforts to produce and maintain life.
Being a life-giver is the call of feminine grace.
Grace. That is the most appealing and memorable trait of a feminine woman. It isn't the clothes she wears or her perfect hair style or makeup. It is her smile in the midst of struggle and her forgiving kindness to those who do not agree with her. Grace is the way she holds her tongue when she is upset or angry. It is the way she decides to do something good for someone who has hurt her. A feminine woman does not speak her whole mind and she has learned to wait for an appropriate time to express her own discouragements. She knows that the world is full of pain and bad days. But, she does not give up when those around her have thrown in the towel. She knows, deep down, that there is an answer to a difficulty. She prays and asks for help and keeps on working until the answer comes. She is patient, long suffering and kind, even when it hurts. This is a feminine woman. She embodies the merciful nature of the Lord.
However, men should also display grace, forgiveness and patience toward other people. When a man shows mercy and kindness, he is not weak or effeminate. He is exhibiting the attributes of the Spirit of God. He is reaching out to help others and standing up for good. He protects and speaks for those who cannot protect and speak for themselves. This is leadership that anyone can look up to. Men and women of grace and loving kindness are a rare breed and we pray for more of them. We seek to be them.
There are many women in the Bible who showed grace in their lives, at least in the incidents that are written for our teaching and reproof. One dear woman that I would like to look at is Abigail, found in I Samuel chapters 25-27. When the fugitive David, who would be king was moving about and trying to stay out of King Saul’s way, he ended up in the hill country around Carmel. Carmel was important later in the history of Israel as a place for the showdown between the servants of Baal and the servants of the Most High God, YHVH. Interestingly, this time was also a good versus evil kind of event because David sent men who were highly respectful and friendly, to say to Nabal, a rich man of the area, “Long life to you! Good health to you and your household! And good health to all that is yours!” (Verses
Then, they were supposed to make a request of this rich, powerful man who was celebrating at the time of sheep shearing. Hospitality was expected at such a time especially toward the people who had been helping look after his thousand goats and three thousand sheep. So David asked for hospitality -- food to feed his many men.
Nabal was introduced in verses 2 and 3: “A certain man in Maon, who had property there at Carmel, was very wealthy. He had a thousand goats and three thousand sheep, which he was shearing in Carmel. His name was Nabal and his wife’s name was Abigail. She was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but her husband was surly and mean in his dealings—he was a Calebite.” As the story progressed, Nabal, in his surly and mean way, refused and belittled David and his men. He extended no hospitality at all toward the future king of Israel, who had already been anointed to that position. Nabal was acting the fool, which amazingly is the meaning of his name. His mother and father must have been prophetic. When Abigail heard about this dreadful offense toward David, a well-known general of King Saul’s army, she was immediately concerned and decisive. She had to act quickly or disaster could fall on her whole household. She is described as an intelligent and beautiful woman, so those attributes stood out in the way she performed in this story.
When Abigail, who was at home and not at the sheep shearing, heard from one of the servants about Nabal’s abject refusal to help David in any way, she knew they were in trouble. And she started to do something about it. In an earlier article, we looked at the widow who had nothing in her house except a small bottle of oil, but she used it as God commanded and she was greatly blessed. In this story, Abigail quickly took stock of what she had at home and began to put together a plan to save her household. As the wife of a rich man, she had a lot of food put away for big events, so that is what she got out, and none too soon because as soon as David’s men returned to him with Nabal’s answer, David said, “Each of you, strap on your sword!” That was four hundred men who were ready to mow Nabal and his people down because of his rudeness and disrespect!
Abigail, being intelligent and concerned for all those people who depended upon her, “acted quickly. She took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five dressed sheep, five seahs of roasted grain, a hundred cakes of raisins and two hundred cakes of pressed figs, and loaded them on donkeys. Then she told her servants, “Go on ahead; I’ll follow you.” But she did not tell her husband Nabal” (verses 18-19).
Ladies, sometimes we must take courage and act, even if the man we are married to will be angry. Abigail knew that Nabal would be angry, but as the servant had said, Nabal would not listen to anyone. There are men who are so set in their ways, so stubborn, or so single-minded that they do not see the big picture. A good woman will step out in faith that God put the right course of action into her mind for the sake of all the people He cares about. Abigail acted in wisdom and turned away the trouble from her household.
She served in secret!
When she went to meet David, she knew that he was also very angry. Perhaps she was used to dealing with this emotional side of a man. In verses 23-27, we see her speech to David. Abigail jumped off her donkey and humbly bowed at David’s feet, saying: “Pardon your servant, my lord, and let me speak to you; hear what your servant has to say. Please pay no attention, my lord, to that wicked man, Nabal. He is just like his name—his name means Fool, and folly goes with him. And as for me, your servant, I did not see the men my lord sent. And now, my lord, as surely as the Lord your God lives and as you live, since the Lord has kept you from bloodshed and from avenging yourself with your own hands, may your enemies and all who are intent on harming my lord be like Nabal. And let this gift, which your servant has brought to my lord, be given to the men who follow you.”
Abigail humbly laid out the facts to David and commended him for not taking all the lives of the people connected to Nabal. She told David that her husband lived up to his name and was not a man of wisdom. She said that the Lord had kept David from killing Nabal and his men. David listened to the words of this amazing woman. It showed that he was not also a fool.
Neither was Abigail a fool. First, she used what she had available to her, the food. Second, she went herself to talk to David. Her husband had not even thought of that. Third, she humbly reminded David of his position and future status and that he should not have such a mistake hanging over his head. She spoke of the surety of the future and she reminded him, in humility,
“The Lord your God will certainly make a lasting dynasty for my lord, because you fight the Lord’s battles, and no wrongdoing will be found in you as long as you live. Even though someone is pursuing you to take your life, the life of my lord will be bound securely in the bundle of the living by the Lord your God, but the lives of your enemies he will hurl away as from the pocket of a sling. When the Lord has fulfilled for my lord every good thing he promised concerning him and has appointed him ruler over Israel, my lord will not have on his conscience the staggering burden of needless bloodshed or of having avenged himself. And when the Lord your God has brought my lord success, remember your servant” (verses 28-31).
During this discourse, the Holy Spirit was able to work on David’s heart and soften it so that disaster was averted. God used Abigail and her ability to intelligently assess the situation and take decisive action so that David was prevented from making another big mistake. This woman was wise, filled with grace, and was also a pretty persuasive speaker, as well. She obviously had a relationship with God for she truly believed that David was meant to fulfill God’s calling as king. She was also not afraid to call a fool a fool. Even if she was married to one. That is very interesting. Sometimes we must do the same thing with the people we deal with. People whom we know continually make bad choices.
Abigail spoke with great understanding and wisdom. She was the voice of Grace.
A man could have been able to act out this story, to speak reason into David’s mind as the prophet Nathan did at another time, but it seems to have been the femininity of Abigail, her wisdom and grace, that actually calmed and placated David into the decision to call off the attack on Nabal. After Abigail shared her perspective to David, he could see that it would be absolute foolishness to attack Nabal. If God was already involved in stopping David, God would most certainly finish the story. And God was, most definitely, involved.
David listened to her concerns and to her request. He was moved in his spirit and said, “Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me. May you be blessed for your good judgment and for keeping me from bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands (verses 32-33).
Our God declares that vengeance is His, not ours. He will repay those who harm His children. David knew this, but was too angry to remember it at the time. Here, he once again acknowledges that God is over all and knows what is going on. Praise the Lord! Then David himself says what would have happened if he had not been stopped. It was probably going to be an utter bloodbath in which a lot of innocent people would have died. “Otherwise, as surely as the Lord, the God of Israel, lives, who has kept me from harming you, if you had not come quickly to meet me, not one male belonging to Nabal would have been left alive by daybreak”(verses 34-35).
This amazing account shows another woman who ended up saving her people by going to the person in charge and stating the case of truth, just as Queen Esther had to do. Abigail knew her husband was a very foolish man who jumped into decisions without considering the people it could hurt. He was rich, but not too bright. Her actions saved his life and the lives of all the shepherds, servants and probably neighbors and business associates.
Abigail was woman of character and great worth. She had wisdom, a reverence for God and a desire to help people, beyond just her own precious family. She could see the big picture, projecting forward many years into David’s kingdom and future dynasty. Knowing these things, she could readily say, “Please pay no attention, my lord, to that wicked man, Nabal.” If David had been just like Nabal, only intent on his own needs and problems, he would not have listened to this woman. He would have plowed through her and her donkeys to go fight Nabal.
As a result of Abigail’s intervention and wisdom, the story does not end at this tremendous climax of war averted. It ends with even more drama.
Abigail returned to her house to find Nabal and all his men holding a banquet. He was already quite drunk as he celebrated his sheep shearing. She did not say where she had been or what had transpired with David. Then in the morning, when Nabal was sober, his wife told him all these things, and his heart failed him and he became like a stone. 38 About ten days later, the Lord struck Nabal and he died (verses 37-38).
Abigail had to tell Nabal what would have happened if she had not given away all that food and had a heart-to-heart talk with David. His reaction was immediate. The realization of his stupidity seized him and led to his death. The end to his folly had come finally. Sometimes, as we suffer through the senseless mistakes and sins of others, we feel forgotten and alone. But we are not alone. God sees all and waits for the right timing to rescue us from our circumstances. That is what he did with Abigail very shortly.
When David heard that Nabal was dead, he said, “Praise be to the Lord, who has upheld my cause against Nabal for treating me with contempt. He has kept his servant from doing wrong and has brought Nabal’s wrongdoing down on his own head” (verse 39). David was very thankful he had been stopped from expressing his wrath toward Nabal. But, God had everything in hand all along.
And David did not waste any time in making sure the widow, Abigail, was looked after. Then David sent word to Abigail, asking her to become his wife. His servants went to Carmel and said to Abigail, “David has sent us to you to take you to become his wife” (Verse 40).Wow! That was a quick courtship! But, when a man finds a good woman, who esteems him and has a great head on her shoulders, he usually doesn’t want to wait around before he can talk with her again.
Abigail already knew David was going to be king soon, so living in the caravan was not a permanent future. But we should really notice Abigail’s response to this sudden matrimonial attention: She bowed down with her face to the ground and said, “I am your servant and am ready to serve you and wash the feet of my lord’s servants.” Abigail quickly got on a donkey and, attended by her five female servants, went with David’s messengers and became his wife (Verses 41-42).
It looks like Abigail was more than willing. She would have hired on to be a servant if that was what David asked. She was willing to wash the feet of David and all his servants. Perhaps, she did. But Abigail became one of the wives of David, producing his son Chileab, or Daniel, his second son. This one woman saved the lives of a great number of people and helped to ensure David’s trust in the Lord. She became a queen and probably a confidante and counselor to King David as the years went by.
Perhaps, you will be called on to find a way to enter into the presence of kings and leaders to prevent the distress of a whole people. Do not be afraid. The Lord will be with you when you seek His face and His will. And He will rescue you out of your difficult relationships as well. Abigail is one of the great cloud of witnesses from whom we can learn.